F
Fred #2
An explanation to boygr8:I have ocd since always but it badly increased after I completedschool. It has been steadily increasing since. Also I have sufferedthrough a lot of heart breaks and after every heartbreak ocd increaseddramatically. Last year when I couldnt bear it anymore I told my momabout it and since then I'm seeing a psychiatrist and takingmedicines.Because of my ocd I don't touch anything and wash my hands severaltimes if I have to touch anything. I do computer with one hand so thatonly one hand gets dirty and I can drink water and stuff with theother hand.I don't sit in my drawing room because people from outside come andsit there and I believe it's very dirty.I avoid people, my ocd is so intense that if I look at a dirty lookingman I have to wash my face several times with soap.Many times I have washed my hands for half an hour at a stretch. Theskin on back of my hand is rotten because of so much soap wash.OCD has killed my life and I suffer every moment because of it.The medicines I take have made me impotent but the doctor says theimpotence will remain only as long as I take medicines. So I have tochoose between sex and curing ocd, I chose curing ocd.Recently he changed my medications because the earlier ones weren'tworking and since then, I'm unable to masturbate (it's just likeconstipation, I try and try but I can't masturbate). I had to leave my studies (chartered accountancy) because I couldnt make myself touch the dirty books.A mail to my ex-gf:subject: can't stop cryingfreya it's been an hour and I'm crying like a goddamn child. I'mcrying very badly as I write this. I want to die. Sushubh has deletedmy blog and hass stopped talking to me. he wont even tell me why hedeleted my blog. he's not picking up his cell.II must have committed a lot of sins in my past lives. Im suffering somuch. Bhenchod all hope has lost. im a living dead. ive got no one totalk to. I guess I will die from this suffering. human mind can onlystand so much. there's nothing for me. no luck. save me freya, thissuffering is killing me. I love you freya, please come back. shucks.no one gives a shit about me. no one cares. ocd is killing me,medicines are killing me, lonliness is killing me, sushubh is killingme, you are killing me, but I dont die. I live to suffer. I dont knowwhat to do, I wish I become brain dead. there's no reason left for meto live but I dont have the guts to commit suicide, I dont want tomake my mom suffer. I wish my brain goes numb, I cant stand it anymore. I must explode.I guess sushubh will delete this post but it doesnt matter.-Fred