Don't lie to your mother | Letter to a Dad

vikikivi

Regular
[OP]
Regulars
Jun 23, 2005
158
4
Enjoy this :D

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Dont lie to ur mother

Mrs. Smith had always suspected her son, Mike, was having an intimate relationship with his roommate, Jennifer.
One night, Mike invites his mother over for dinner. All thru the night, Mrs. Smith watched Mike and Jennifer interact, and was pretty sure there was more than met the eye. Mike saw his mother watching them and assured her that they were just roommates.
A few nights later, Jennifer went to Mike with a problem.
"Ever since your mother was here for dinner, I have been unable to find the gravy ladle. Do you think she took it?"
Mike replied, "I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her and ask her anyway."
Mike sat down at the computer and composed the following e-mail:

Dearest Mother,
I'm not saying you did take the gravy ladle, and I'm not saying you did not take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains, since you were here for dinner, we have been unable to find the ladle.
Love always,
Mike

Two days later, Mike received the following reply from his mother:

Dearest Michael,
I'm not saying you do sleep with Jennifer, and I'm not saying you do not sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains, had Jennifer been sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the ladle by now.
Love,
Mother

Moral of the story: Don't lie to your mother! :p

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Letter to a DAD

A FATHER PASSING BY HIS SON'S BEDROOM WAS ASTONISHED TO SEE THE BED
WAS NICELY MADE AND EVERYTHING WAS PICKED UP.

THEN HE SAW AN ENVELOPE PROPPED UP PROMINENTLY ON THE CENTER OF THE BED.

IT WAS ADDRESSED, "DAD".
WITH THE WORST PREMONITION, HE OPENED THE ENVELOPE AND READ THE LETTER
WITH TREMBLING HANDS:

DEAR DAD,
IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET AND SORROW THAT I'M WRITING THIS. I HAD TO ELOPE WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I WANTED TO AVOID A SCENE WITH MOM AND YOU.
I'VE BEEN FINDING REAL PASSION WITH BARBARA AND SHE IS SO NICE EVEN WITH ALL HER PIERCING, TATTOOS, AND HER TIGHT MOTORCYCLE CLOTHES.

BUT IT'S NOT ONLY THE PASSION DAD, SHE'S PREGNANT AND BARBARA SAID THAT WE WILL BE VERY HAPPY.

EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T CARE FOR HER AS SHE IS MUCH OLDER THAN I, SHE ALREADY OWNS A TRAILER IN THE WOODS AND HAS A STACK OF FIREWOOD FOR
THE WHOLE WINTER.

SHE WANTS TO HAVE MANY MORE CHILDREN WITH ME AND THAT'S NOW ONE OF
MY DREAMS TOO.

BARBARA TAUGHT ME THAT MARIJUANA DOESN'T REALLY HURT ANYONE AND WE'LL BE GROWING IT FOR OURSELVES AND TRADING IT WITH HER FRIENDS FOR ALL THE COCAINE AND ECSTASY WE WANT.

IN THE MEANTIME, WE'LL PRAY THAT SCIENCE WILL FIND A CURE FOR AIDS SO BARBARA CAN GET BETTER; SHE SURE DESERVES IT!!

DON'T WORRY DAD, I'M 15 YEARS OLD NOW AND I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.

SOMEDAY I'M SURE WE'LL BE BACK TO VISIT SO YOU CAN GET TO KNOW YOUR
GRANDCHILDREN.

YOUR SON,

JOHN

P.S. DAD, NONE OF THIS IS TRUE. I'M OVER AT THE NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE. I JUST WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT THERE ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE THAN MY REPORT CARD. THAT'S IN MY DESK CENTER DRAWER. I LOVE YOU!

CALL WHEN IT'S SAFE FOR ME TO COME HOME. :D
 

bhargav

\,,/
Regulars
Nov 17, 2005
225
0
hahahahahahahah laughed my head off at da second joke :eek:
 


Vince

Regular
Regulars
May 23, 2005
317
0
Old ones.... the second one whould have been funnier if you read another version of it... the one with Chelsea Clinton... ROFL with that..
 

max

Regulars
Regulars
Oct 6, 2005
2,766
6
Post it vince. Haven't heard that one before!
 


netfreak

Regulars
Regulars
Sep 8, 2005
2,147
14
Originally posted by Vince@Dec 3 2005, 11:26 PM
whould have been funnier if you read another version of it... the one with Chelsea Clinton...
[snapback]34026[/snapback]
[/quote]

Care to post that version ?
 

St0le

The Funny One
Regulars
Dec 3, 2005
761
6
since we are talking about letters!

here is one from BILLU (u know the microsoft dude)

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Billy's Letters

The following appeared in a computer magazine in Mr. Dvorak's column:

Dear Mr. Dvorak:

Ann Landers wouldn't print this. I have nowhere else to turn. I have to get
the word out. Warn other parents. I must be rambling on. Let me try and
explain. It's about my son, Billy. He's always been a good, normal ten year
old boy. Well, last spring we sat down after dinner to select a summer camp
for Billy. We sorted through the camp brochures. There were the usual camps
with swimming, canoeing, games, singing by the campfire -- you know. There
were sports camps and specialty camps for weight reduction, music, military
camps and camps that specialized in Tibetan knot tying. I tried to talk him
into Camp Winnepoopoo. It's where he went last year. (He made an adorable
picture out of painted pinto beans and macaroni). Billy would have none of
it. Billy pulled a brochure out of his pocket. It was for a COMPUTER CAMP!
We should have put our foot down right there, if only we had known. He left
three weeks ago. I don't know what's happened. He's changed. I can't
explain it. See for yourself. These are some of my little Billy's letters.

Dear Mom,
The kids are dorky nerds. The food stinks. The computers are the only good
part. We're learning how to program. Late at night is the best time to
program, so they let us stay up.
Love, Billy.

Dear Mom,
Camp is O.K. Last night we had pizza in the middle of the night. We all get
to choose what we want to drink. I drink Classic Coke. By the way, can you
make Szechuan food? I'm getting used to it now. Gotta go, it's time for the
flowchart class.
Love, Billy.

P.S. This is written on a wordprocessor. Pretty swell, huh? It's
spellchecked too.

Dear Mom,
Don't worry. We do regular camp stuff. We told ghost stories by the glow of
the green computer screens. It was real neat. I don't have much of a tan
'cause we don't go outside very often. You can't see the computer screen in
the sunlight anyway. That wimp camp I went to last year fed us weird food
too. Lay off, Mom. I'm okay, really.
Love, Billy.

Dear Mom,
I'm fine. I'm sleeping enough. I'm eating enough. This is the best camp
ever. We scared the counselor with some phony worm code. It was real funny.
He got mad and yelled. Frederick says it's okay. Can you send more money? I
spent mine on a pocket protector and a box of blank diskettes. I've got to
chip in on the phone bill. Did you know that you can talk to people on a
computer? Give my regards to Dad.
Love, Billy.

Dear Mother,
Forget the money for the telephone. We've got a way to not pay. Sorry I
haven't written. I've been learning a lot. I'm real good at getting onto
any computer in the country. It's really easy! I got into the university's
in less than fifteen minutes. Frederick did it in five, he's going to show
me how. Frederick is my bunk partner. He's really smart. He says that I
shouldn't call myself Billy anymore. So, I'm not.
Signed, William.

Dear Mother,
How nice of you to come up on Parents Day. Why'd you get so upset? I
haven't gained that much weight. The glasses aren't real. Everybody wears
them. I was trying to fit in. Believe me, the tape on them is cool. I
thought that you'd be proud of my program. After all, I've made some money
on it. A publisher is sending a check for $30,000. Anyway, I've paid for
the next six weeks of camp. I won't be home until late August.
Regards, William.

Mother,
Stop treating me like a child. True -- physically I am only ten years old.
It was silly of you to try to kidnap me. Do not try again. Remember, I can
make your life miserable (i.e. - the bank, credit bureau, and government
computers). I am not kidding. O.K.? I won't write again and this is your
only warning. The emotions of this interpersonal communication drain me.
Sincerely, William.

See what I mean? It's been two weeks since I've heard from my little boy.
What can I do, Mr.Dvorak? I know that it's probably too late to save my
little Billy. But, if by printing these letters you can save JUST ONE CHILD
from a life of programming, please, I beg of you to do so. Thank you very
much.

Sally Gates, Concerned Parent

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for more
http://broadbandforum.in/Computer_Jokes-t3352.html
 
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