A teacher instructs her fifth-grade class to ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end. : funny
A teacher instructs her fifth-grade class to ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end. The next day the kids come in and share their stories: "My daddy told me about my uncle Dave," says one boy. "He was a pilot in Vietnam and had to bail out over enemy territory with nothing but a flask of whisky, a pistol and a knife. He drank the whisky during the drop, then landed in the middle of 20 enemies. He shot 15, stabbed 3 and killed the last 2 with his bare hands." "What is the moral of this horrible story?" yelps the mortified teacher.
"Stay away from Uncle Dave when he's drinking."
The FBI had an opening for an assassin.. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.'
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home..'
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.'
The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes.. Take your wife home.'
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the chair.'
Moral: Women are crazy. Don't mess with them
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks:
“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Moral: People named Bob are ****ing awesome
A son goes to his father and ask him to explain the difference between figuratively and literally. The father tells the son that he should go to his mother and sister and ask them if they would sleep with the mailman for a million dollars. He goes to each of them and they both answer yes. He goes back to his father with their answers. His father now explains to him that figuratively we are sitting on 2 million dollars, literally we are living with two whores.
Moral: People are whores.
Man goes to a woman "Would you sleep with my mate for a million dollars?" Woman: "Yeh, I would" Man: "OK, how about 100?" Woman: "Do you think I'm a whore??" Man: "We've already established that; now we're just working out a price"
A man bursts into his house and yells, "Pack your bags honey, I just won the lottery!" She says, "Oh wonderful!! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?" He replies, "I don't care, just get the **** out!"
A teacher instructs her fifth-grade class to ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end. The next day the kids come in and share their stories: "My daddy told me about my uncle Dave," says one boy. "He was a pilot in Vietnam and had to bail out over enemy territory with nothing but a flask of whisky, a pistol and a knife. He drank the whisky during the drop, then landed in the middle of 20 enemies. He shot 15, stabbed 3 and killed the last 2 with his bare hands." "What is the moral of this horrible story?" yelps the mortified teacher.
"Stay away from Uncle Dave when he's drinking."
The FBI had an opening for an assassin.. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.'
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home..'
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.'
The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes.. Take your wife home.'
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the chair.'
Moral: Women are crazy. Don't mess with them
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks:
“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Moral: People named Bob are ****ing awesome
A son goes to his father and ask him to explain the difference between figuratively and literally. The father tells the son that he should go to his mother and sister and ask them if they would sleep with the mailman for a million dollars. He goes to each of them and they both answer yes. He goes back to his father with their answers. His father now explains to him that figuratively we are sitting on 2 million dollars, literally we are living with two whores.
Moral: People are whores.
Man goes to a woman "Would you sleep with my mate for a million dollars?" Woman: "Yeh, I would" Man: "OK, how about 100?" Woman: "Do you think I'm a whore??" Man: "We've already established that; now we're just working out a price"
A man bursts into his house and yells, "Pack your bags honey, I just won the lottery!" She says, "Oh wonderful!! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?" He replies, "I don't care, just get the **** out!"
