I took a fake shit at work ten minutes ago to play on my smart phone but now I actually have to shit. Now everyone is going to think I have Diarrhea.
My children and I are cold and starving. Guess I’ll get up and turn down the ac once the pizza guy gets here.
My girlfriend cheated on me, but I only listen to dubstep, so I don’t have any passive aggressive lyrics to post as my facebook status.
I didn’t have a shitty childhood, so I can’t turn my pain into art.
I forgot to bring my phone with me when I went to poop and I was bored the entire time.
My smartphone changes “lol” to “LOL” making me sound more amused than I actually am.
I hit ‘dismiss’ instead of ‘snooze’ so now I have to actually wake up
I was filling in a form online and they didn’t put “United States” at the top of the country drop-down.
I use Google Chrome, so my lack of need to go to the actual Google domain causes me to miss most of the special occasion logos.
My smartphone auto-corrects “shit is legit” to “shit is legitimate”, severely reducing my street credibility.
I sometimes worry that I won’t live long enough to ride a cloned dinosaur.
I want to read in the bathtub but I’m afraid my book would electrocute me.
My hand is too fat to shove into the Pringles container so I am forced to tilt it.
I parked my Lexus in cement and everyone is taking pictures instead of helping me.
My mom makes us clean the house BEFORE the cleaning ladies come so that they don’t think we’re dirty.
I was out of extra virgin olive oil, so I had to cook my breakfast with slutty olive oil.
Google maps hasn’t driven by my house since I repainted and landscaped.
I forgot to take my iPod to the gym, so had to exercise with no music like some sort of 1930′s strongman.
The documentary I’m watching isn’t narrated by Morgan Freeman.
I switched lanes because I thought the other one was faster. It wasn’t.
For more:
First World Problems: Porblems abund.
FirstWorldPains (@FirstWorldPains) on Twitter
My children and I are cold and starving. Guess I’ll get up and turn down the ac once the pizza guy gets here.
My girlfriend cheated on me, but I only listen to dubstep, so I don’t have any passive aggressive lyrics to post as my facebook status.
I didn’t have a shitty childhood, so I can’t turn my pain into art.
I forgot to bring my phone with me when I went to poop and I was bored the entire time.
My smartphone changes “lol” to “LOL” making me sound more amused than I actually am.
I hit ‘dismiss’ instead of ‘snooze’ so now I have to actually wake up
I was filling in a form online and they didn’t put “United States” at the top of the country drop-down.
I use Google Chrome, so my lack of need to go to the actual Google domain causes me to miss most of the special occasion logos.
My smartphone auto-corrects “shit is legit” to “shit is legitimate”, severely reducing my street credibility.
I sometimes worry that I won’t live long enough to ride a cloned dinosaur.
I want to read in the bathtub but I’m afraid my book would electrocute me.
My hand is too fat to shove into the Pringles container so I am forced to tilt it.
I parked my Lexus in cement and everyone is taking pictures instead of helping me.
My mom makes us clean the house BEFORE the cleaning ladies come so that they don’t think we’re dirty.
I was out of extra virgin olive oil, so I had to cook my breakfast with slutty olive oil.
Google maps hasn’t driven by my house since I repainted and landscaped.
I forgot to take my iPod to the gym, so had to exercise with no music like some sort of 1930′s strongman.
The documentary I’m watching isn’t narrated by Morgan Freeman.
I switched lanes because I thought the other one was faster. It wasn’t.
For more:
First World Problems: Porblems abund.
FirstWorldPains (@FirstWorldPains) on Twitter
