When Bill Gates died, he went up to Heaven, where Saint Peter showedhim to his house; a beautiful 20 room house, with grounds and a tenniscourt. Bill Gates was pleased, and spent many months enjoying theamenities of Heaven.One day, he was enjoying one of Heaven's many fine parks, when he raninto a man dressed in a fine tailored suit."That is a nice suit, my friend," said Gates. "Where did you get it?""Actually," the man replied, "I was given a hundred of these when Igot here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hilloverlooking a beautiful hill, with a huge five-hundred acre estate, agolf course, and three Rolls Royces.""Were you a Pope, or a doctor healing the sick?" asked Gates."No," said his new friend, "Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic."Hearing this made Gates so angry that he immediately stalked off tofind St. Peter.Cornering Peter, he told him about the man he had just met, saying,"How could you give me a paltry new house, while you're showering newcars, a mansion, and fine suits on the Captain of the Titanic? Iinvented the Windows operating system! Why does he deservebetter??!!!!""Yes, but we use Windows," replied Peter, "and the Titanic only crashed once."_____________________________________________________________Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?A millionaire decides to throw a party at his house to celebrate hisdaughter's birthday. The atmosphere is a little lacking, so themillionaire tries to spice things up a bit by setting everyone a task."Attention everybody!" he yells. "I'll give £1 million or mydaughter's hand in marriage to the first person to swim across mycrocodile-infested swimming pool."He finishes his announcement and everyone goes back to their drinks.But about 10 minutes later there's a big splash, and all the gueststurn round to see a man going hell-for-leather across the pool rightto the other side. At the other end he jumps out, to be greeted by theshocked millionaire."Well done," exclaims the millionaire, "you've passed the test, butwhat do you want - the million or my daughter?"Catching his breath, the man replies, "I don't want your daughter oryour money. I just want the idiot who pushed me in!