Student Suspended Over Suspected Use of PHP


Special Member
Topeka, KS - High school sophomore Brett Tyson was suspended today after teachers learned he may be using PHP."A teacher overheard him say that he was using PHP, and as part of our Zero-Tolerance policy against drug use, he was immediately suspended. No questions asked," said Principal Clyde Thurlow. "We're not quite sure what PHP is, but we suspect it may be a derivative of PCP, or maybe a new designer drug like GHB."Parents are frightened by the discovery of this new menace in their children's school, and are demanding the school do something. "We heard that he found out about PHP at school on the internet. There may even be a PHP web ring operating on school grounds," said irate parent Carol Blessing. "School is supposed to be teaching our kids how to read and write. Not about dangerous drugs like PHP."In response to parental demands the school has reconfigured its internet WatchDog software to block access to all internet sites mentioning PHP. Officials say this should prevent any other students from falling prey like Brett Tyson did. They have also stepped up locker searches and brought in drug sniffing dogs.Interviews with students suggested that PHP use is wide spread around the school, but is particularly concentrated in the geeky nerd population. When contacted by, Brett Tyson said, "I don't know what the hell is going on dude, but this suspension gives me more time for fraggin'. Yee haw!"PHP is a hypertext preprocessor, which sounds very dangerous. It is believed that many users started by using Perl and moved on to the more powerful PHP. For more information on how to recognize if your child may be using PHP visit


In this country we call 256 kbps as broadband..and 1 GB data transfer limit as unlimited..who will get suspended for that ?


tR0ll bUg
^ why the hell do you need such a fast connection??? :mad: your suspended!! :pthere was this other news i heard about hard disk size. i think it was in TOI. they found out some terrorist had a 320gb hard disk and were wondering why in the world would someone want such a huge hard disk? :S they were assuming he must be storing maps of all areas to see where to bomb next or something like that. :S that is totally ridiculous! nowadays people at home have even tb's of space. today a 320gb hard disk would cost you only rs.3700! that means everyone with 320gb hard disks and above would be terrorists? in that case what would the people with 800 gb and 1tb of space become? super-terrorists? :p thats crazy! :madness:these reporters just dont know anything about todays technology and write what they think. they should atleast be knowing what they are writing. :mad:

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